Happy Thanksgiving!  We kept things simple today and boy am I glad for that.  Originally we were going to host Thanksgiving dinner here at home this year like so many others.  After we  talked about what it meant the decision to cancel a big family dinner was pretty easy.  Meaghan has been through so much and exposing her to all the people would have been stressful enough, not to mention the germ potential.

Yesterday's visit to clinic was pretty traumatic for all of us.  The doctors talked to Jason and I about keeping or pulling the PICC line.  We decided to pull it because we would be greatly risking her health to keep it for little gain in the success of treating the infection.  One of the two IV antibiotics comes with the risk of hearing loss and renal failure.  We are already being closely followed by an opthamologist because of the risk of damage to her optic nerve from another medicine she needs.  Because you can't live without kidneys and Meaghan will more than likely be using these drugs again in the future we have to limit the length of time we expose her to it.  Just when I think we're getting somewhere some new consequence comes up.  Then I listened while they told us that most likely Meaghan will have to use the inhaled TOBI antibiotic anyway.  The big reason for taking the major step into hospitalization and IV's was to get away/off/over the need for the inhaled antibiotic.  Instead, even if this pseudomonas infection was successfully eradicated by our aggressive attack on it, to prevent future problems with it, Meaghan will cycle on and off treatments at home.  Immediately I started asking why we did all of this.  There is no good answer.  Each patient is different and so is each infection.  We can only do what we think is best at the time we are facing it.  This time they say we've done what we can, the rest is up to God.

I pray to God that I am doing the right things.  I can't explain it but I am at peace, mostly.  God brought this beautiful angel into my life and He graced her with strength and courage for the battles she's faced.  From the night she was born she's fought to live.  Each day for her is a gift.  She greets the morning with an insatiable hunger for growth and knowledge.

If you want to know what I am thankful for today, I would say my family.  That we were together, at home, to share a meal.  More than that, I have to thank Meaghan for how she has tried to teach me to live each day in a positive and fulfilling way.  It is really incredible that someone so young, with such little life experience is the one I look up to.