Today was an emotional day for me.  This time of year should be filled with joy and wonder.  Almost five years ago, when I was on pins and needles, waiting to welcome a new baby into our new home, I dreamed of future birthdays and Christmases and they were never like this.  For Meaghan's first Christmas she was still in the NICU.  That Christmas Eve a doctor delivered the diagnosis of CF and gave us an expectancy of 37 years.  Puts a ticking clock in your ear that is just so hard to lose.  But still, every year I try.  I decorate the house, buy lots of presents and pretend that I am happy.

This is a difficult and stressful time of year for a lot of people, we've all got "stuff" in our lives.  No ones future is certain.  But, I wake up every day the mother of a beautiful girl whose future has been shortened because of this horrible disease.  I fight through the depression, anxiety, sadness, anger, worry, fear, doubt and confusion.  I set out to make everyone else happy but what about me?  There are very few people that I can count on to honestly answer that question.  Thank God for Jason.  He is strong and dependable and he proves over and over again that through all these ups and downs I have someone to hold on to.  He cares about me, he works hard to try to make me happy.